Tuesday, December 9, 2008

We are Ahab...

Once upon a time (or something like that) six people with not a much in common besides a long and rock hard....friendship met in a rural remote location to take part in a ritual that would provide further strength to the uncanny bond between them. The bond began being forged over a decade ago. At times it was no more than mere strings that held them together but throughout the course of time those strings began to multiply with each new memory, embarrassment, trial, blackmail, inside joke and tribulation. At this particular moment in time the strings better resembled a thickly braided rope connecting each unlikely life to the next.

Our adventure takes place on a blustery stormy night where almost as a right of passage their friends met in a haunted Bed and Breakfast. Muhahahahahaha (lights flicker and shadows pass by). The friends check into the Dead and Breakfast. The attendant is a blond woman with dead eyes and a vacant smile. She lurks behind them everywherere she goes followed closely by Ike who much like his name sake is ready to bitch slap any of these Tinas.

Seeking refuge from the abusive dog and the Igor like employee our fine heroines seek refuge at a local eating establishment. They are met with... duh duh duhhhhhhhhhh.... lost reservations, caked on make up and penciled on eyebrows. What kind of freak show had they stumbled upon? Who were these people and why didn't they own any mirrors? Strange men with accents surrounded their table enticing them to sing and trying to trade for the virtue of some of the "ladies".Several of the "ladies" were tricked into drinking their tasty concoction called a margarita by a woman who was undoubtedly their leader. The member of the group of girls who could best understand what was happening was Leslie whom they befuddled with a margarita as big as her head and bombones. Eventually they "ladies" made a clean escape.

They travelled back to where they knew they must go. They listened to inspirational music that would help them make it through the night. "I'm a cowboy, on a steal horse I ride because I'm wanted...Dead or Alive. Now I walk these streets with a six string on my back, I'm playing for keeps because I might not make it back. I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall. I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all." They pulled up to the house the windows watching them like a lion to it's prey. The air pops with electricity and tension. Then rang the door bell and waited for Igor. They steadily marched to their room in a single file line giggling nervously.

The rest of the events of the evening become hazy especially for some. There may have been or may not have been alcohol, change, boots, truffle shuffles, sex swings, bubble ghosts, a salt shaker, choking, crackers, giggling, French onion dip and honkies. But we will never know for sure. All we do know is that at five FUCKING thirty they were all awoken by endless and relentless talking. Chatter, chatter, chatter. Did they beat the chatty Cathy with a pillow case full of soap? No. They did, however, threaten with bompires and teabagging her drum set.

The innkeeper was surprise to see them alive the next morning, which she made clear to the guests by dressing the orange juice up as a bandit. Also by the grave digger companionship she kept under the guise of a housekeeper. The ladies were lucky to make it out alive and with little more than a headache to show for their night in the DEAD AND BREAKFAST. MUhahahhahahahaha.

The End

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