Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Good Afternoon Earthlings


It has been a while. Not much to say. I have been writing and editing like crazy which seems to suck the funny and will to ramble out of me. Good for my friends and family bad for the blog. Here are my stray observations.
- With the success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (still waiting for my copy!) will they remake all of the classics with zombies? My vote is for YES! Here are the reasons why 1. You can never have too many zombie resources call it good planning. 2. Zombies really do fit into any situation. You can never go wrong with a well placed zombie thirsting for brains. 3. While they are pretty low on the horror movie totem pole (think pawns on a chess board) they are unequivocally hilarious and socially relevant. (Please like you have never been that drunk person reminding other people of Night of the Living Dead I am not a fool fancy pants.)
My top three books in which I think adding zombies would be made of awesome are: Tale of Two Cities...what is the French revolution with out zombie forces tearing apart royals. Besides Dickens is MADE for zombies. Anna Karenina, who could resist adding zombies to a pinnacle of realist fiction. That is made of win, besides Russian zombies... I get goose bumps just thinking about it. For Whom the Bell Tolls I mostly think this because it reminds me of my Resident Evil V video game with all the zombies running around saying muerto. I am who I am, shut up.

- I am sad Dorothy aka Bea Arthur passed away. Oh noes! Goodbye you Golden Girl you. Thank you for being a friend.

- A couple days before my Memphis road trip. Wish me luck, hopefully the rain isn't too much. I am sure it will be a strange and wonderful journey into bat country with my friends.

- I am still on my too much tv watching kick. Thanks to my Roku player I started watching this BBC show Ballykissangel about a cute, quirky Irish town. I was totally into it until it ripped out my heart and stomped it into the ground then ran over it 8 times then a dog came and peed on it at the end of the third season. Thanks for that... really. If any of my other shows have bad ending I am giving up tv altogether for at least 3 years.

Well look at that apparently my ability to incoherently ramble is still intact. *win*

Peace out

Friday, April 17, 2009


I woke up in the desert, lying in warm sand. I sat up trying to understand where I was while brushing the sand off my clothes. Looking around, at first I thought I was alone. But then I saw the striking man from the bar, crouching next to me. I wasn’t scared, just curious. He reached towards me.

“Where am I?” I asked looking at miles and miles of desert. He did not answer my question but pointed to a bridge that had not been there the moment before. I went to the bridge but there was no water under it only sand.

“Is this death?” I don’t know why I asked but it seemed like the appropriate question. I wasn’t scared, I felt eerily calm.

He shook his head no, slowly and deliberately, but did not move closer to me. I looked again and there were thousands of snakes now under the bridge coiling and slithering over one another. They had an agitated feel to them. The serpents scared me.

“Don’t fall in.” the voice came from directly behind me. His voice was soft and velvety.

“Who are you?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“Have we met?”I tried another line of questioning.

“What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come with me. I would like to show you something.” He said his eyes still calm and expressionless. I took his hand though it wasn’t extended. He looked at my hand in his and back at me as if I had lost my mind but the expression only lasted seconds. I let him lead me without question.

We walked for a long while in silence but our fingers interlaced with a mind of their own. Eventually I could see old farm houses off in the distance. We were approaching a town. Where did that come from? There was no town before. As we got to the town and I saw the shadows of people roaming around like a memory I suddenly understood.

“All of these people are dead.”


“Who lives here?”

“No one lives here. This is my town.”

The way the buildings lined the dirt road reminded me of a western ghost town. The glass windows were so dirty that I couldn’t clearly see inside. The closer I came to them the more corporeal shadow people were. They were walking around the street and in and out of stores that were no longer seemed so dirty and abandoned. They went about their business as if we were not there. We continued down the street. At the end of the street there were two identical buildings on either side. Both of them had large red double doors. Each door was about twenty feet tall and five feet wide. I looked back and forth between them.

“I don’t understand.”

“Let’s not stop here. We will keep going around the corner.” His voice seemed almost desperate, betraying his calm eyes.

“What is around the corner?”

“I don’t know there has never been a corner before.”He smiled, but his eyes lingered on the doors intently. His jaw flexed and set at a stubborn angle “These doors are not for you.”

“Why? I don’t want to go, let’s go back. I don’t understand.”

He pulled my hand suddenly insistent. “There is no going back. We need to go around the corner… now.” I let him pull me to the corner.

It was not only a new street but like a different place altogether. This one was not sad and desolate with only images of the past. This one was busy and bursting with life. It reminded me of the market in Florence. It looked inviting. At first, I was glad we went around the corner then I saw a giant red man in leather pants walking down the street carrying a huge sword. Immediately I was scared. I tried to let go of the man’s hand so I could run, but he wouldn’t let go of me. I looked at him in panic as the man got closer.

“It’s ok. We will stay… fight.”

“Are you crazy? No we have to leave.”

“I can make you stay.”

“Come with me.” This time I pulled his hand, He followed as I went back around the corner. The red man was so close now I could hear his heavy steps. I went up to the red door and tried to open it, but it would not open.

“Not in there.” He said almost pleading.

“There is no where else.”

He made eye contact with me for a moment as if he were trying to read my thoughts. “If you would really like to go in there, just knock.” his voice was somehow different now, deeper more gravelly.



I did and the door slowly opened. Immediately, I recognized my mistake… only it was too late.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


It all started with an email conversation. Six people, who had very little in common besides for their mutual misfortune of attending the same small country high school in rural Missouri, made plans for a weekend getaway. Each one of them had lead their own life and had followed their own path since graduation. Occasionally it was mentioned how lucky they were to still be friends after so many years fluttered past them. They knew that their friendship had been forged on countless nights of giggling, prank phone calls, confessions, triumphs, failures, joy, heartache, and a complete understanding and acceptance of one another. Luck never entered into the picture.
It really all stemmed from an email that Sophie Mailman sent to her friends. If fault must be assigned it was hers for the taking. She instigated the conversation. Not purposefully, though she has been known to do such things in the past and will probably continue to do them in the future. Always being drawn towards the macabre Sophie shared with her oldest friends about her Halloween weekend adventure in an allegedly haunted house. Not that it matters now, but she could not have known where that email would have lead. The strange and terrifying path their lives would then begin to follow. Weaving them forever in the fabric of time and space.

Where are my manners? I have failed to properly introduce myself. My name is Nigel Wilde and I have a tale to tell you about six friends; six friends whose lives took a strange and unexpected turn over the course of an weekend. Enough about me though, who I am is of little importance in this tale. Who they are, however, holds the key to why fate and destiny took the wheel leading them down a dark and twisted road of nightmares and truth. Some still remain on the twisted road to no where battling their demons while others have moved on. I assured you three clicks of your heals will not carry you away from this Oz.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Easter thoughts

I was sitting in the cry room at church on Sunday trying to listen to what the priest was saying over ever increasingly annoying children, but only managed to hear bits and pieces. I do not go to church regularly but slightly more frequent than a C & E person. When I am there however I want to come out having learned something I didn't know before. That isn't too hard since I was born and raised a Catholic so obviously I cannot quote you scripture nor can I relay with any accuracy most of the stories in the Bible. I figure that if I am making the effort to drag my sinning self into church and not get struck by a bolt of lightning the least they can do is teach me something.

Well Sunday I missed most of what was said because of some little kid with a big bow in her hair who kept screaming "No" at her parents in a way that only a child who has never been disciplined does. From what I heard the priest was talking about the resurrection of Christ. The priest asked what did the apostles think when they found that Jesus had risen? I have to wonder was I the only person in attendance that thought "Holy shit zombies, church is finally getting good."

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Email addresses of shame

So it is no secret I like funny email addresses. I always have. When dad was sick and needed a liver transplant in a momentary stroke of genius I made him an email account named Ineedaliver... yes truly one of my more inspired names. Well with my own email address I use genehackmankickyourass. I have enjoyed this for a long time it always makes me smile, it especially makes me smile when my mom tries to give it to other people but tells them that it is genehackmankickMYass. hehehehe
Anyway not the point of this blog. I obviously do not give out my boring work email address to businesses because I know they will spam my account. I always give the other genehackman one. It doesn't bother me to write it on a piece of paper or a website but the other day I was in Barnes and Noble picking up a book and the girl checking me out first tried to talk me into the card. I said no then she asked if I would like to receive email coupons. I said sure expecting to fill something out, but no I had to say it out loud. I suddenly felt the need to justify my email address to this perfect stranger who I might add was laughing at it. I became one of those people that I hate. Those people who pounce on strangers and tell them their life story. I couldn't stop myself.The more rational, smarter voice in my head was telling me to shut up but the fear made me do it. I rambled on like a meth addict giving directions to a cop.
I leave you with a little Fear and Loathing because it seems appropriate "Hey honkies you want to buy some heroin?"
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