Monday, March 16, 2009

What Dreams May Come

I have weird dreams. It is true. They are not just like "huh, that's strange" sort of dreams. They are detailed and long dreams in which many incredibly odd things happen. They are the type of dreams I tell people about and then the room gets quiet and either the people laugh and tell me I am sick or there is an extremely uncomfortable awkward silence in which I know the person is mapping out the closest exits.
These dreams come in two varieties. The first and most frequent variety is that of the horror genre. Someone is normally chasing me and there is plenty of violence and gore to go around. On a whole these do not bother me too much. I have grown accustomed to them over the years. Now the second and more rare type of dream is the philosophical type. The time in which I am having a deep and meaningful conversation about something. Last night I had a dream I was discussing the inter workings of Hamlet with David Cook (this would be like the 3 non horror movie inspired dream he has been in). Now you may be wondering does Liz like David Cook a lot. Not really. I do not dislike him, in all fairness I have never met him. He is fine. I am sure he is a lovely person. Does he know anything about Hamlet? My dream does not bode well for him but hey so long as he is making the guest appearance I will give him they benefit of a doubt.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Why my dogs hate me...

We have been meaning to get the dogs hair but for a while now, but I never seem to remember to make them an appointment with the groomer. So last night we decided to give the dogs a "trim" so they would stop bringing so much dirt into the house. Poor Whiskey now looks like she was run over by a lawn mower. She has sprouts of hair and bald patches. She has a constant walleyed and crazed look about her. Then little Rachel, well I trimmed less of her. I left her body alone and just focused on her head and feet. In retrospect maybe I should have worked on her body too because she looks like a tiny little sheep with a huge body and a tiny little surprised flat head.
My poor babies, look dejected every time I put them outside like they don't want the other neighborhood dogs to see them... and rightly so.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The best ambiguous phrases

1. Life isn't always flowers and sausages.
2. Sunshine sandwich.
3. Shamrock shake- this is my newest and favorite one for today.
Here are some possible uses: use it dirty."I bet you showed him your shamrock shake..." or you can use it clean "One shamrock shake please with a pint of Guinness" or hateful "You dirty shamrock shake" or egotistically "Her shamrock shake has nothing on mine" or accusingly "You gave me a shamrock shake!"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Agent Kimmie Wammie

Agent Kimmie was feeling the spring fever and the only cure was more cowbells. She went on a mission to find the cowbell surplus she knew must be around. Her journey took her places far and wide. She met with the Lord of the Rings...he was sort of a douche and persnickety. He had a problem with the fact she didn't like to wear socks. Agent Kimmie didn't care, she was ready to get back to the States because she missed McDonald's like Chris Brown misses beating down women (hmmmmm is it too soon for jokes on that?). Going through the airport customs was a huge pain in her ass. She thought about giving them a Hawaiian punch right in the lamb chop but decided not to get arrested or she would be hungry all the time. She bit her tongue against the snarky comments floating through her head and headed directly to McD's for some McFlurry goodness. At Mcdonalds she ran into a high school FFA group who happened to come from the national cowbell convention that take place on Cadillac Ranch every year and they agreed to play her Neil Diamond's Rambling Rose on their cowbells; at last the spring fever subsided.
The End

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

5 signs I am getting old

1. New counter tops makes me as happy as getting free drinks at a bar used to make me.
2. I can keep plants alive and actually like them. Not only that but now I have plans for additional plants.
3. Any given conversation with my pals can range all the way from planned get togethers to aspercreme.
4. I no longer want to go out if it is too cold or too hot outside, it has to be just right.
5. When I look at shoes now, I still recognize the cute ones, but am drawn to the sensible ones.
Blog Design by Imagination Designs all images from the Scare Dee Doo kit by Irene Alexeeva