Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Newest Obsession: Damages

I love Netflix. I especially love the instant program because I can watch television show in the most obsessive back to back to back way possible. On Christmas Day (my family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve) I started watching the FX show Damages. I was leery about the show. I had seen it advertised and was so sick of lawyer shows it didn't even look appealing. However, it did have one big selling factor.

Now Mr. Olyphant is only in the second season, but the show is entirely worth watching. Much to my surprise I am completely drawn in, in fact, I am typing this as I am watching the ending of season three practically on the edge of my seat. I love all the characters. Everyone is corrupt in their own way. The lawyers actually dress like lawyers, no micro-minis or low cut tops. The seasons are filled with so many twists and turns you are constantly guessing at what is actually happening and who is lying to whom because in the end everyone lies and has their own agenda. 

I am so excited to get to use my new rating system for the first time. Since we are in Bat Country 5 Bats is the best and 1 lonely bat is the worst.

2 More Days Until a New Year

Over the holidays I have been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. The good news is I have sent book 2 of the Guardian Trilogy, Choices, to the editor. Woohoo!

I have developed an addiction to Pinterest.

Discovered my new favorite recipe, Roasted Garbanzo Beans with Cajun seasoning, It is super easy to make. Take a can of garbanzo beans drain, rinse, and pat dry. Spread on baking sheet and drizzle with about a tablespoon of olive oil then bake at 400 for 30-40 minutes. Sprinkle with Cajun or any seasoning you want and enjoy. They are completely addictive, you've been warned.

What are your plans for the new year?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas Clone

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t have time to wrap the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don’t have time to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Cookies, pies and cake
I have managed to make

Along with list after list
That I send to Saint Nick
But he hasn’t finished a single task
And I’ve taken to the flask

Oh I’m not asking for much
Just some extra time in a crunch
And I’m just gonna keep on waiting
While my nerves are grating

What more can I do?
Sometimes it is like I live in a zoo.
I just want a clone of my own
More than you could ever know

My fingers are worked to the bone
Please just give me a clone
I don’t need a flying car
Or unlimited credit at the bar
If this Christmas I get a clone to call own

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Holy Back Pain, Batman!

Two weeks ago I woke up with my back hurting. It hurt pretty bad, but I figured it would go away in a day or two. Now two weeks later and several chiropractor, doctor, and physical therapy visits later I am still nursing a twingy back. Everyone keeps asking, what did you do to it? And that seems like a fair question, but it is one I cannot answer. I went to bed fine and woke up with a pinched nerve. I have no idea how it happened. None, zip, zero, zilch, nada, nothing.
I was complaining about this to my physical therapist yesterday that I couldn't give people a proper excuse for my back pain which makes me feel like a hack. I mean I should know how I hurt myself when it has kicked my butt for two weeks. He told me the worst time he ever hurt his back was when he sneezed in the shower, so he sympathized with the not having a good story to relay to the concerned acquaintances. So he suggested I make up a good story. It sounds like a reasonable course of action so I am making up two so I can put it up for a vote. 

First- I was driving home Friday after a night thwarting zombie chaos and madness. When a group of walkers stumbled out in front of my car. I didn't run them over (as someone in the movies would do) because I am no dummy. I know that running over five zombies would 1. injure my car, 2. Not actually kill the zombies unless I was lucky, and 3. Be hell to clean off my car. So instead I slammed on my breaks just missing them and freezing their red, milky eyes in my head lights. I calmly and collectedly pulled my baseball bat from the car and went to take care of business (I have a world to save after all). The first three went down easy, but the last two were runners. They took off across the field in a mixture of bum legs and war cries as they gnashed their rotten teeth over their shoulders at me as I hunted them down. Well, I got the one with the bum leg first and took care of him, but the other one gained some distance on me. So I had to take off running and do a flying leap at the zombie, crashing into it and the ground. Immediately pain spiked through my back and all my muscles screamed in pain, but I gritted my teeth and took out the last zombie with repeated elbow blows to the skull. Then I crawled back to my car and went home to nurse my ailing back knowing I had just save the world for a few weeks longer. 

Second- It was a cold and blustery night, the sort where the wind chill makes every muscle in your body pull in on itself in an effort to stay warm. I was leaving a friend's house after a night of Jane Eyre and Zombie Zach children's book creating when this weirdly hot, stalkerish fellow steps out from behind my car. His piercing nearly black eyes seem to look right through to my soul as he watches me approach with a knowing smirk on his handsome face. 
"I've been waiting for you," he says all confidence and ego. 
I felt my cheeks warm despite the cold night, "I bet you have, but it's a no go. Emo is so last year."
"Wait, what? I'm not emo."
"Tight t-shirt. check. Morose attitude, check. Pointy teeth and hints of body glitter, check, check."
"I do not wear body glitter." His seemingly genuine abhorrence of body glitter gave me a moment's pause. Perhaps he wasn't an emo vampire after all. Maybe this one was different. 
"Are the teeth real?"
"Come find out."
"Tempting, but you might glitter me and it is hell to get out of fabric. I would find glitter in my sweater for the next year to come." 
"I don't wear body glitter. I'm just pale and the moon light makes my skin look like this." He stomped his foot flashing hints of fang my way.
"Whatever, Liberace."
"Damn Twilight," he grumbled as sulked off down the street. 
I began to feel bad I hurt his feelings and he might go cry himself to sleep in this coffin so I took off after him. "Wait, wait. I'm sorry. You may not have body glitter on."
"Too late." He waved me away, obviously not ready to forgive the implication he was anything other than a normal vampire who just wanted a tasty snack. 
I grabbed his arm, and he turned around black eyes glistening. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Buck up, champ."
His arm curled around my waist and his fangs lengthened. He moved in closer and I glanced at my hand I grabbed him with, sure enough glitter. I started to laugh hysterically lurching my back while he threw up his hands in disgust. "I get no respect." He stomped off as I continued to laugh, gasping for air and muscles straining in pain and cold. I hobbled back to my car, amused and glittery. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

You Have the Right to Remain Dreamy.

Hello, friends! Today I am trying something different. I am pairing up with the cowgirl, paranormal author Cait Lavender two bring you the Top Ten Hottest TV Men With Badges! But at the same time our friends and authors Elizabeth Sharp and Tiffany White are bringing you the Top Ten TV Usual Suspects for our own special brand of Christmas cheer. So gather up the mistletoe and check out these fictional handcuff wielding, boys in blue.
Top 10  Hottest TV Men With Badges and the Top Five Yummy Usual Suspects:

1. Marshall Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant- Justified). Like there was ever a doubt he would be number one on my list. That face, that stare, that gun, that slow, sultry twang, oh my! *fans self*

2.Sheriff Carter (Colin Ferguson- Eureka). This is my shout out to the sweet, family guy. He is honest, genuinely nice, and isn't shoot first ask questions later (I know, not at all my type, but I adore him anyway).

3. Interim Sheriff Nathan Wuornos (Lucas Bryant- Haven). He is quirky, loves pancakes, wonderfully serious, and cannot feel a thing. But Nathan Wuornos has a way of giving his partner, Audrey, the most heart melting, endearing looks I have ever seen.

4. Deputy Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln- Walking Dead). Rick proves that just because its the end of the world doesn't mean you cannot still be a nice, stand-up sort of guy. Some of his decisions might be questionable, but no one can deny his heart is always in the right place.

5. Special Agent Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore, Criminal Minds). Derek is by far the prettiest of all the criminal profilers to ever grace the BAU, but don't let that fool you, the Morgan tackle is just one running bad guy away at any moment. He is hot, serious about what he does, and completely in need of a fictional TV girl friend.

Gah! Five is too few. No sooner do I finish this list then more pop into my head (The guy from the Glades!). Did I miss your favorites? Please share in the comments then pop over to Cait's page to see her top five men with badges or if you are more into the criminal element stop by authors Elizabeth Sharp and Tiffany White's pages to see their line up of  the criminally misunderstood.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Christmas in TV land (top five holiday episodes)

I may be weird (that is probable), I might be the only one (doubtful), but I absolutely love holiday episodes of TV shows. I don’t care what the holiday is, I love episodes that allow for my favorite characters to get into the season of things. I am a sucker for a heart-warming or side-splitting hour (or half hour) of seasonal fun in the fictional worlds I love so much.

Tonight, there are two episodes on. First, Eureka (I am so bummed Eureka was cancelled). Eureka already has one of my favorite holidays episodes (more on that to come) so I am anxious to see if Sheriff Carter and the gaggle of accident prone geniuses can top the last holiday snafu. The second show I will be watching is Haven. I love Haven and the quirky town that is troubled. I can’t wait for their take on Christmas though I am curious how they will work around the cliffhanger we were left on at the end of the summer season.  (Warehouse 13 also has a holiday episode tonight, but I haven’t watched that show yet, however it is in my Netflix queue). 

In honor of tonight’s TV excitement and the merriment of the season I bring you my…
Top Five Holiday Episodes

1.       A Very Supernatural Christmas, Supernatural- This was a season three treat that just so happens to be my favorite Supernatural episode ever (and that is saying something). If you have seen the show, Supernatural, you know it isn’t really a Christmas celebrating type show. The brothers Winchester have dark, sad lives that don’t really have time for holidays. But this Christmas episode is pure creative genius! Not only is it everything I love about the show (sick, twisted, bloody, funny, and dramatic), but it also give so much background on Sam and Dean’s life that they become even more likable and heart breaking. People are being taken from their homes and up through the chimney by a man dressed in a red suit.  It is up to Sam and Dean to figure out what MotW (monster of the week) is killing people while swimming through their own emotional baggage. (This is Dean’s last Christmas so he wants to celebrate and Sam doesn’t, completely illustrating the characters’ differences in personality even as kids)

2.       O’ Little Town, Eureka- This season four Christmas episode is such a sweet episode. It starts with Sheriff Carter coming in out of the snow into the cafĂ© and telling a group of doubting children about the real Santa Claus. It goes back to an unseasonable warm Christmas where Carter is stuck in Eureka and not happy about it. Taggert has some weird Santa machine that can shrink thins small enough to make them all fit into Santa’s sack. Well of course it backfires and the town is shrinking (hence the warm). This funny, charming episode continues until in one of the most delightful hours of television. 

3.       The One With the Holiday Armadillo, Friends- Oh my gosh, I don’t even think I need to recap this one everyone has probably seen it. Ross is trying to teach Ben about Hanukkah and ends up trying to get a Santa costume, but cannot find one so close to Christmas so he rents an armadillo costume and dubs it the “Holiday Armadillo” to tell Ben all about Hanukkah. During his story Chandler show up in a Santa costume and Joey in a Superman costume and thus a classic episode is born.

4.       Afternoon Delight, Arrested Development- This is another of my favorite shows ever. This episode centers about the Bluth corporate Christmas party were Michael and Maebe sing the most awkward  and uncomfortable (uncle/niece) duet ever, Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band. I laughed until I had tears. And of course the rest of the brilliantly funny cast. So funny. 

5.       The Strike, Seinfeld- Ha! Festivus. Enough said. 

Do you like holiday episodes as much as me? Did I miss your favorite holiday episode?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

How to Survive a Horror Movie Part 2

Back before Halloween I wrote a post about how to survive should you wake up one morning to find yourself in a horror movie. (Review here) By request I am following this post up with How to Survive a Sequel.

First step in survival is always figuring out what you are dealing with. So how does one identify they are in a horror movie sequel, well that is pretty simple. The first clue is if you just survived a horrific night of senseless slaughtering, you could be ready to start a sequel. If this is the case, you may right now be thanking your lucky stars because you are the main character, but that would be foolish. This is a sequel and the thing with sequels is they are trying to surprise the audience. So you are just as likely the first kill as you are the star. If you didn’t just survive the monster attack you can still be in the movie. Chances are you have heard of said attack or someone will very soon fill you in on it. Whatever the story they tell you is, that is the type of movie you are in. Also note that everyone is much more wooden in the speech and movements, horror movies aren’t the Godfather, the sequels will never even be debatable that  they are better than the originals.

All the rules from the first post still apply. (Be prepared, get a weapon, don’t be dumb, no crying, etc.). You have to assume the action will start right off the bat. There is no time wasted on silly back story or character development. Sequels are about carnage and cheap thrills. So you don’t have time to get your bearings, you just have to be ready.  Rule #1 Be a badass! You’ve learned something from the first movie and that is how to fight or survive. You aren’t a victim you are a touch cookie so don’t be afraid to be awesome.

The killer will be at least three times as hard to kill this time around and honestly he won’t die, I know this, you know this, but we like to think he is dead until part three. Rule #2- When you are thinking of ways to rid yourself of the killer go big or go home in a body bag.  

If at all possible avoid these things: sex, drugs, being unnecessarily mean, being alone, darkness, bathrooms, and strangers. But it doesn’t have to be current sin, it can be your past sins so basically everyone is screwed in this. Rule # 3 hang around the friends who are more sinful than you. Fictional mass murders are attracted to sinners like tornados to trailer parks, you will have time to get away while Jason/Freddy/Michael is getting creative.

Sequels in their quest to distinguish themselves from the original never just settle for more bloodshed and carnage, instead they also go for the twist. Start thinking ahead. Someone with you isn’t what they seem. They are working with the killer in some manner or another. Rule #4 Trust no one. Anyone who says come with me or offers to help out of the goodness of their heart is not to be trusted. I repeat do not trust them. Do not go with them, do not get into their car, head out the door or anything of the sort, just hide.  You may think the advice to hide is a fairly simple suggestion, but apparently it is not. After watching countless horror movies I can see I need to be clearer on this point. Rule #5 Be smarter than a bowl of jello.
Not acceptable hiding places:
Pantries (while yes there is food they never have reliable locks or escape routes)
Louvered closets (really, I mean really?)
Under the bed (They will see you even if they don’t hear your loud gasping crying)
Behind the couch (Are you a five year old playing hide and seek?)
In the car (Too many places for the killer to come through without your knowledge)
Rooms with no escape (They will get in and you will have no escape route. Failure to plan ahead = *Finger across throat*)

All of these hiding places will lead to on one end, you dead and someone else surviving the movie.  Avoid them, tattoo them on your arm if necessary, just don’t go in them. Think bigger. Hiding in large buildings such as schools is a much better plan. Lots of rooms, lots of windows, lots of places to hide, use this to your advantage.

Rule 6 Stay in the pack. Sure you can’t trust any of them, but the more people you keep around you the more people to distract the killer. Rarely can they kill everyone when they pop up so just be ready for that and run when they do then hide in a non-stupid spot (see above for clarification).  So our movie is winding down 95% of the people you started with are gone. This leaves you, the killer helper, a decoy and the killer. Now you have to use the ol’ noggin a bit and figure out what the twist will be. Are you the killer helper? No? Then that it one person off the suspect list. The next one we can remove is the killer cause obviously he hasn’t been too secretive about his hatred for all things breathing.  So we are left with the decoy and the killer helper. Both will be pleading for you to trust them but remember Rule #4 and stay leery.  Rule #7 Wait them out. Crazy/possession/hatred over something that happened thirty years ago can only stay hidden for so long. Eventually the psycho will be compelled to reveal their motive or hand in all of this. At which case you can help the decoy  escape so the killer can kill the helper (after all he/she is a breathing person therefore of no use to the killer) and just when you think the two of you have gotten away and the sirens are flooding the background the killer will pop up kill the decoy and you will have to square off. Hopefully you have come up with a big death for this masked foe otherwise your night is about to end.   

Best of luck to you and let’s all across our fingers there isn’t a part three. 
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