I am a Scorpio. I enjoy long walks on the beach, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and men in hockey masks. In my spare time I work to foil the plans of my arch nemesis, utilize my eight finger discount, and lecture from my soapbox about social injustices. I do not tolerate fools or like people who make Walmart plural.
I judge people who are missing more teeth than they have, unless they are old. I would like to someday be the scary old woman in the neighborhood that all the children are afraid of, however I will be misunderstood and actually a sweet old lady turned bitter by the disappointments of this cruel, cruel life.
I will have made my vast wealth telling fortunes under the alias the Mad Madame Mim and selling t-shirts in tourist destinations that say “Life isn’t always flowers and sausages”.
Once upon a time there lived four super heroes unlike any other superheroes you may have met in your lifetime. They were not the most obvious of superheroes yet their hearts were in the right place and they tried really hard. If there were a superhero contest they wouldn’t even get the consolation prize or best personalities —they were often drunk and sometimes tools.
Nevertheless they had the important job of maintaining office peace. They battled such super villains as The Cougher Cougar, Old Desperately Seeking Attention Man, Captain Tool, Ms. Kitty Chihuahua, and Pie Hole. They used their “unique” gifts to save many days of corporate ruination. They called themselves the Working One-ders (like wonder not o-ned-er… hey I said they were tools).
The team was comprised of: Agent Kimmie able to sweat her way out of any tight situation, Darrrrrt who can spit further than any known human being in this great galaxy, Agent Funnel Boy who is not only the world’s foremost expert on nubs but he also has the super ability to talk to and make peace with fearsome squirrels, and finally there is Hammer-toed Liz her multiple jointed toes could pick a lock like nobody’s business and do a mean samba. Together they ruled the corporate world with an iron foot.
One day Ms. Kitty Chihuahua was up to her usual bolstering and foulness. She was holding a meeting hostage preventing real work from being finished. She captured Agent Kimmie in the elevator and tied her to the chair. Little did she know this was all part of the plan. Agent Kimmie was waiting until the other pieces were in play before she unleashed the power of sweat. Darrt was stationed across the street high on the building in his sniper position. Agent Funnel Boy was talking to the troop of squirrels on the ground in case there was an escape. As soon as Hammer-toed Liz picked the lock and distracted the room with her samba and multi jointed toes, Agent Kimmie escaped her bond through her special sweating technique and chased Ms. Kitty Chihuahua’s assistant, Mesmerizing Mole, out the door. Before Ms. Kitty could run Darrrt pelted her with machine gun like spit leaving her too disgusted to move. Between Agent Kimmie’s sweat puddle traps and Agent Funnel Boy’s squirrels Mesmerizing Mole had no where to run.