Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Love and Insatiable Appetites

Love and Insatiable Appetites.
Starring Zombie Matt Nathanson and Jane Austen.

This is a true and faithful retelling of the tragic –as most love stories are– tale of Jane Austen and Zombie Matt Nathanson and their affection for one another which transcended all.

Zombie Matt Nathanson was a fun sort of zombie. He, like any other zombie, liked to drink with his fellow undead pals,

eat at the Cheesecake factory,

toss out the occasional “Your mom” joke,

and travel the world. Zombie Matt Nathanson always said “Uhhhh ugh uggggggggghhhhhhh,” by which most experts probably would agree he meant death was no reason not to see the world.

It was during one of these zombie-cations that he met the girl who would prove to be the love of his death. He watched her from afar, hoping one day to make her acquaintance.

Their first meeting did not go as planned; she stabbed him with her writing quill which she was never without. When she realized her blunder that he wanted to meet her not eat her brains she introduced herself as Jane Austen. Their conversation went something like this.

ZMN: Uhhhhhh mmmm ugghhh

Jane Austen: Back off you vile, flea infested, mouth breather.

ZMN: uuuhhhhsgggjhka

Jane Austen: Oh dear. *stab, stab*

ZMN: Ugh Ugh Uhhhh

Jane Austen: Hmm, perhaps I judged you too soon. You seem to be rather a genteel sort of undead creature. My name is Jane.

ZMN: Uuuhhhhhh gahhhh

The connection was immediate. Their mutual like turned into affection, and they attended a country dance with one another.

Before too long they became more than just friends. They were suspected by all of those of their mutual acquaintance as having an understanding for they were seen holding hands. Oh the scandal!

Zombie Matt Nathanson told Jane they could never marry for he was undead and she was living. Jane was heartbroken and tried to run away with little Stewie, but ZMN stopped her.

Jane thought he stopped her for love… but she was wrong, dead wrong. He was hungry.

Which leads to the moral of this tale always eat three proper meals a day for you may end up cannibalizing the one you love.

The end… in more way than one.


V.K. Tremain said...

LOL Now, did you have an audience at work when your orchestrated this? Very cute.

Elizabeth Sharp said...

lmao... wow, your mind can be a scary crazy place. Fun though! i've had jobs that led to some similar fancies, though mine usually involved my boss getting eaten by the zombies....

Liz Schulte's Blog said...

Hahaha actually I was posing Jane and ZMN differently every day and texting the picture to my friend who gave me Jane for my birthday. Then I started looking at all the pictures and realized there is a story here. The rest, as they say, is history. hahaha

Nichole Chase said...

This is hilarious. I must show it to my husband. No doubt he will applaud ZMN eating poor Jane. LOL.

P.s. Where did you get the zombie doll? I am off to google zombie dolls as a stocking stuffer for my husband. LOL!

Liz Schulte's Blog said...

There is a store where I live called Cool Stuff that hss things like that. I think though you can get them online. Just google remote control zombies. He is one of my most favorite gifts ever. :-)

Nichole Chase said...

Oh my goodness, I didn;t even know that he was remote controlled. LOL! It is definitely going the holiday list.

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