Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I am Ahab

Do you ever have those days. You wake up and are immediately hit with the knowledge that it is going to be one of those days. Everything is a bit off kilter. Not so much to drive you to drink dish water, but enough to leave you quite certain you would be better off staying in bed. Instead you force yourself out of bed with the shitty rationalization of what's the worse that could happen?
Obviously there are plenty of bad things that could happen. Here is one scenario in particular.What if on your way to work you are car jacked by a penguin who insists that you must take him to the nearest Bartlett pear tree, but guess what you can't recognize a Bartlett pear tree because you have better employed your time by filling out your itunes library and reading celebrity gossip. The penguin, obviously frustrated by your inability to complete this simple task, starts flapping its useless wings in your face making it nearly impossible to drive. Then if that weren't enough you have flashbacks of the Birds and become unduly freaked out by the whole occurrence so you slam on your brakes hoping the penguin flies through the window like in a movies because the cheeky little bastard isn't wearing a seat belt. Of course he doesn't fly through the window because windshields are not so easily broken as they are in movies there is this thing called safety glass. Instead of now being rid of the pesky bird you have an unconscious bird who you have to take to the animal hospital because you feel bad and a cracked windshield. About $5000 dollars later you realize yep, should have stayed in bed.
Don't fuck with me now man, I am Ahab.


Jessica said...

Stop looking at me, swan.

Anonymous said...

Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go
Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go
- M.I.A.
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business

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