This blog post has nothing to do with writing. Sorry. It is more of an epiphany. I woke up one morning and I was old. I am not saying old as in age, because I am not that old, but old as in my habits are becoming that of a senior citizen. I am not sure how it happened, but it has. Let me present the evidence to you, my peers.
- I used to watch independent movies and Arrested Development, now I watch HGTV and the Voice. Sure, Property Brothers and Income Property are awesome and so addictive, but cool points, probably not high. Too make matter worse…I don’t even care. I like home improvement even if I am a ruiner and the judges on the Voice make me laugh.
- I have a twitchy back from an injury that happened while I was sleeping. *shakes head*
- I used to go out, probably too much (see just acknowledging I went out too much is old. Balls!). Now I prefer to stay in so I don’t have to fight the crowds.
- I have two day hangovers. Seriously, that makes you question every drink you take. Is this vodka tonic worth a two day headache when you have a deadline looming? Probably not.
- I used to contemplate selling internal organs so I could quit my job and move to Italy and drink. (May not have been the best plan since it hinged on missing vital organs and drinking excessively, but every plan has its flaw--true story). Now I contemplate marketing strategies and weekend trips to wineries. But on a side note, now I love my job.
- I don’t know what YOLO means and I don’t fucking care.
- I think Miley Cyrus should put some pants on and stop licking things, not because she is setting back feminism or anything. Mostly just because she is becoming like the word moist…disgusting.
- I stopped taking naps because I know I won’t be able to sleep at night.
- I have started censoring my weirdness because I am tired of explaining myself. (Wrinkled balls!)
- Getting my new Martha Stewart Living magazine and picking out recipes to make is more exciting to me than free concert tickets (see note above about crowds). *flail*
That’s all I have for right now. I am pretty certain things will only get worse from here. Who knows what’s next? Ensure? Elastic pants? Questionable makeup? Driving under the speed limit? Hmm whatever the future may hold I accept it, because truth be told, it has been one hell of a ride.
Curmudgeoningly (old people are allowed to make up words) Yours,