Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Holy Grail of Boots

Joe may have fought the volcano.
David squared off with Goliath.
The Trojans brawled the Spartans… all sweaty and shirtless, what Hollywood never lies?!?
And Robin Hood went head to head with the Sheriff of Nottingham (ooo da lolly ooo da lolly, golly what a day—couldn’t resist)

Liz (that’s me) went head to heel, mano y zapato, toe to toe with my new boots. The weekend started bright and early on a lovely gray Saturday morning. I have been in the need for a new pair of brown boots for some time. The only ones I have are 1. 10 years old at least, 2. 4 inch heels and 3. Uncomfortable if I wear them more than 2 hours and 13.41 minutes. So it was my mission to find the perfect pair of tall brown leather boots. I started at Macy’s. Lots of cute choices and I tried on about 4 pairs, but nothing fit quite right. After that I went to seven more stores, but still nothing was working for me. You see I did what I always do. I found a picture in a catalogue (J. Jill to be exact) of the perfect boots, just like what I want. Now nowhere where I live can compete with my love for J. Jill. Every time I get a catalogue, which seems like weekly, I feel I must have one of everything in it. (I think they know so they taunt me)

You are probably wondering then why don’t you just order the boots from them. Well that is an excellent question. I may be old fashioned but I prefer trying on shoes, especially boots, before forking over $200 for them. Second, they are $200 and my money tree still hasn’t sprouted. So I was about to break down. I found a $50 coupon off a purchase of $200 which felt like a sign. I was poised ready to purchase the pretty, pretty shoes when mom calls to tell me she found me the perfect boots at the mall. Needless to say, I had my doubts. Mom always means well, but her taste is sometimes questionable or as she calls it, the kiss of death. A few hours later she is delivering shoes that are surprisingly awesome. They look a lot like the J. Jill boots only they are $80 cheaper and I can have them immediately. Bonus!

I go to try them on, but there is no zipper I just have to pull them on. I am pulling and tugging and possibly grunting , but the damn heel keeps collapsing preventing me from getting my foot all the way inside. I am now cussing and scrunching and wiggling, but the heel is still bending. I search for a shoe horn, none. I search for my back stretcher, nada. I finally settle on a wooden spoon, now sweaty and worn out, but I will not be defeated. I briefly think of Cinderella’s poor stepsisters when they are trying to get their foot in a shoe they will stop at nothing to get. Would cutting off my toes help? Then suddenly pop, my foot slides in and it’s not so bad. In fact it feels pretty good, I just need to put on the second one. I struggle for no less than thirty minutes trying to get this rat bastard on my foot, vowing never to wear these gems in an airport, when inspiration strikes. I fold down the top and voila the shoe goes right on. One hour and fifteen minutes later, I am the victor, but I may never take them off again. 


Lena Corazon said...

Liz, I'm cracking up over your description of finding the perfect books. Definitely something I can relate to!

I ended up getting my prized pair of brown equestrian boots last year off the internet (my first purchase), and I was lucky that they actually fit me properly. Still, there's a bit of wiggling that has to happen so I can get them over my jeans... but it's well worth it, as far as I'm concerned. :)

Fabio Bueno said...

Hi, Liz, I sympathize with your quest, even though the only boots I got are hiking boots...
I loved your blog, especially the header picture!

Anonymous said...

I am still searching for the perfect brown boots. But I keep finding more black ones I need while on my search for the right brown. How does this happen? I would love to order them but, like you, I am afraid of the fit. Too often I find they are far too big around the calf for me. :(

Reading your post I was afraid you'd have to cut those boots off if you ever wanted a change in footwear.

Prudence MacLeod said...

I can so sympathize with you. Finding the right pair of boots can be a real quest, but well worth it if you find them. I found mine years ago, still love them to bits, and I live in fear of the day I have to go on the hunt again.
The boots in the picture rock, hope they're the magic ones.

Karen McFarland said...

Hi Liz,

So what you're saying is we'll be burying you in your boots! Lol (Sorry, I couldn't help myself)

Ah yes, the quest for boots. Not my favorite. I have a small calf, so to find boots that I don't swim in is a miracle. Although last year, at a Nordstrom shoe sale, the salesman told me that you can actually have them tailor the boot to the size of your calf. Huh, that was news to me. Thought I'd pass that little tidbit along.

I enjoyed your post!

L.J. Kentowski said...

You had me laughing so hard at this! I can just picture it (probably because I've been in similar situations). Congrats on conquering the devil shoes. I actually have a pair of shoes in my current WIP novel that the main character calls "the devil shoes" because of their complicated nature. Great post. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Liz... I am a sucker for boots! :) And although I prefer online shopping for many things, I agree--it's tough to do so with shoes. is great. If you sign up for the VIP program (free once they let you in ;)) you get free overnight shipping and free returns. Still a hassle to return stuff, but I've had good luck so far.

Coleen Patrick said...

I still am looking for the perfect pair of boots. One winter I went an embarrassing number of rounds with Fed Ex via Zappos (because zappos has a wonderful free and easy return policy which I obviously took advantage of)only to come up empty handed. Glad you found yours!!

LynNerdKelley said...

Those are mighty cute boots! They look pretty comfy, too. I'd never keep at it if it was that much trouble to get them on. I'm glad you figured out how to do it the easy way. Yay!

Sheila Seabrook said...

Oh my goodness, I can just see you trying to get those suckers on. I have tears in my eyes, I'm laughing so hard! A wonderfully annoying experience that I hope you'll one day use in a book.

BTW, Liz, I love your website!

Anonymous said...

Ha! Are those the boots? Super cute! I can understand why you labor so long to get them on. :-)

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